Thursday, May 6, 2010

{PP} Wtf is up with the weeks?

I'm still very confused about this whole thing. Some websites/nurses/people say I'm 10 weeks, while others say I'm 11 weeks. How do I know which one is right? These will actually be a pretty big deal come the time for my to fly back to Liam in October. If I'm 36 weeks that could screw up my flight plans, but 35 weeks seems to be less scary for the airlines. I'll also have to convince my OB/GYN to let me go. She can't actually keep me from leaving, but I'm going to need that doctor's note. I'm hoping maybe I can just pull off a baggy sweatshirt and I won't have any issues. I also plan on flying business class for the big trip back (thanks airmiles!) and they tend to be nicer to b-class passengers.

Other than trying to figure out how many weeks along I am, I'm trying to figure out if I actually have a belly or I'm eating too many bowls of cereal. Now that I have an excuse to be getting bigger my motivation to work out other than my 3x/wk with my trainer is totally out the window.

In other news, being away from each other seems to be taking its toll on Liam. Tonight was a big ball that most of our friends were attending. We usually went to these a few times a year and because of my lightweightness and inability to stay up past 12am, we always left by 11. I know for a fact that Liam was quite the nightowl before he met me. I would literally fall asleep on the couch every night when we lived together at about 9pm. He would have to wake me up and practically carry me up to bed. Such a great hubby! Anyway back to the ball, he left early at about 11pm. We talked via skype for about 45 minutes and then he fell asleep. These were the conversations he informed me about that took place during the meal.

(Jim pre-ordered steak for Liam, but he wanted to have fish instead)

Jim(Liam's boss and good friend): Some poor vegetarian is going to end up with the steak because you took the fish instead.

Liam: Why would a vegetarian order fish? That's not being a vegetarian.

Jim: Vegetarians eat fish.

Liam: No, they don't.

Other people at the table chiming in: All the vegetarians we know eat fish.

Liam: Well then they are lying and aren't freaking vegetarians.

Back and forth. back and forth. Jim's wife, Anna jumps in.

Anna: Liam's right, vegetarians don't eat fish.

Everyone grumblingly accepts it.

Later in the evening while the boring speakers were being introduced Liam may have made fun of them and one of the other wives at the table called him bitter. Liam's reply was "I'm so bitter I could teach a lemon a trick or two." Now this could be part of the reason why Liam left early. No one wants people to gang up on them, but I also know how he gets when I'm not around.

Every time I go back to visit, everyone pulls me aside and tells me how miserable he is when I'm away. They say he's mopey, doesn't smile or laugh nearly as much and doesn't really hang out with everyone as much as he does when I'm around. I'm so happy this year is almost over. It's hard when you know how much not being there has an adverse effect on someone else's presence. Before he met me, Liam would have been out and about until all hours of the night and practically doing the worm on the dance floor. Now, he's withdrawn, mopey and just wants to spend most of his time in front of the computer talking to me. While it may seem like a weird thing for me to say I don't like my husband missing me, I don't want him to stop participating in his life because I'm gone. I don't have a life, I have school, talking to him, and sleeping. That takes up pretty much all 24 hours of my life. Liam has work and then he comes home to the house that's totally empty, talks to me and then goes to bed. I keep telling him to golf more, go back to German, join the sailing club, but he doesn't want that to take away from our talking time. It makes me sad that I've had a part in making him unhappy by not being there.

We only have 6 weeks of separation to get through this summer, 8 weeks in the fall, and 8 weeks in the spring. I don't know what next summer will hold, but now it's more and more likely I would try to spend that time as an intern/summer associate (if they set up the program for me) in the middle east. I was thinking of maybe applying to be a S.A. in DE, NYC, or London next summer, but I don't think Liam would handle being separated from me and the baby for 4 months solid.

Living apart has been hard, in some ways a lot harder than we thought it would be, but in other ways easier. This was the year we needed to get through and we made it. After this it's only short bursts of separation, the most being 8 weeks at least for the next year. My final year, I hope to be able to study abroad in Europe (only a 6 hour flight) and then complete a short course of sorts for my final semester. I honestly don't know how people in the military do it and with the added pressure of mortal danger. I have that much more respect for anyone who has to go through that. I can't wait to fly out next week and see him again and I'm glad we don't have to go through another year of this. We made it through, but it certainly hasn't been pretty. Almost one year down, 2 to go.

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