Friday, June 25, 2010


For some reason I have to urge to start running. Talk about a crappy time to want to start a new exercise regimen. I want to run outside or at least start running outside. 2 days before I took my first HPT I started the couch potato to 5k running program. Once I got my BFP I stopped. If I had been further into it I would have kept going or at least just stayed at the last level I reached. On day 2 I was pretty much just walking quickly. I think wanting to run has more to do with knowing I won't be able to do it for a while once Z is born. A) While the weather will be nice at the house with Liam there isn't anywhere to run. Sidewalks are nill, running on the street is a recipe for making Liam a widower, and the stares are a bit much. B) Here, the city has such beautiful running trails. When I was in college I would go for walks or jogs around and it was a lot of run.

The main reason I want to run it because it's something I haven't really done full tilt and I think I won't be able to do it once Z is born, as in ever be able to do it. I have been thinking a lot about things I won't be able to do once Z is born. We're both so excited to meet him/her, but I realize my life is going to change pretty dramatically. While I am super excited I'm also a bit afraid. This is a huge change! Up until now my life has been pretty low-key, carefree, without much responsibility for anyone other than myself since graduating from high school.

I helped take care of my younger siblings while in high school (mom worked nights). This meant nights up with a puking kindergartner, going over homework, making sure everyone was dressed in the morning, had their breakfast, and didn't look like a squirrel was nesting in their hair. There is nothing more awesome than trying to wake up 2 kids who pretend not to hear you after their alarm goes off for the 5th time and trying to dress them while they are still "asleep". I have a bit of experience with kids, being the oldest of 5 kids, oldest of 15 grandchildren and for a long while I was the designated family babysitter. What freaks me out is all this was with other people's kids. Although they were family, I still got to give them back or at least wasn't the only person responsible for their well being. Most people thought I would put off kids for a long time b/c I helped so much with my sisters. I think it definitely pushed me in the opposite direction. I knew I wanted to have kids young. I didn't think it would be possible b/c of my career choice, but that was wrong. The attitude in my family has always been, 1 kid...psh, that's not really having kids, wait until they can start blaming each other for things and telling the other to stop touching them, 2...that's a good start, 3...getting there, 4...about right, so close. That was pretty much my family's view, why have 4 when you can have 5. We'll see if that idea keeps once we have our one.

I'm beginning to take my time with the little things. Oh crap I need to go get some milk. I put on my shoes, grab my keys, a couple of bucks and my phone and I run out to the store. Oh, you know what, I think I'll head to the bookstore too and maybe read for a few hours. In 6 months that process will be much more cumbersome. Put baby in stroller/carseat, check diaper bag, grab anything and everything we might need, etc. I don't think Liam has the same level of anxiety I have about this. I think it also has something to do with the fact I'll be the primary caretaker for Z's first year and a half. He gets to bring home the bacon, while I cook it up. Well not really, I almost never cook, so Liam gets to bring it home and cook it, but I'm in charge of the baby while he's working. I need to get rid of this anxiety, get to the grocery store, and stop living off of peanut butter, cereal and corn!


  1. My big boy is 2 years old now, and my newest addition is a whopping 10 days (his name is Liam, by the by!) And let me tell you - it isn't that bad. It's a big change, for sure, and I had the same anxiety as you before #1 came along. I've been pleasantly surprised with how much I've been able to do. After our oldest, Jack, was born, I continued to work full time and also sing backup in a rock band, just like I'd done before he came.

    Outings require more logistics, to be sure, and you get really good at selecting family friendly stuff to do, but really - you can still be you and do the things you did, the things that are most important to you, anyway. A lot of people don't. But that doesn't mean you can't! A supportive partner helps a lot in this regard. I'd flit off to my gigs at bars downtown and leave the husband home with the kid, and he never once gave me any guilt about it. He had his bowling nights, after all . . .

  2. You'll definitely be able to make time for things that you enjoy even after the baby arrives on the scene, but that's the have to make time rather than just do it whenever you feel like it. Pretty easy adjustment though once it happens.

    btw, I was kind of amazed at how different it felt to watch my own kid versus the children I babysat for years and years. I find myself more in love, more amazed, less easily irritated, more patient and really enjoying it all so much more with my own. Babysitting felt like work even though I really liked doing it, but being with my baby rarely does, it's just what I do.

  3. Thanks Gillian and LEO! I'm glad to hear that my fears aren't really a true reflection of what's going to happen. I'll be sure to make time for me and Liam and things I really want to do.