I was reading Proto Attorney's To breed or not to breed and I couldn't help thinking about what my plans had been for having kids. I am the oldest of 5, 7 if you include my dad's two other kids and the oldest of like 20 grandchildren. I never really had the chance to decide if I did or didn't like kids because it just didn't seem like them not being around was a possibility. There were always children everywhere. I was the oldest therefore it was my job to help babysit (on my own!scary!) every once in a while. My mom worked nights, so it was my job to make sure everyone got into their pjs, got into bed, woke up in the morning, and left for school. There were even times I had to push one of my sisters in her stroller to my high school, while the other one complained because she had to walk, so I didn't miss a weekend play rehearsal. Bags were packed with snacks, toys, and other little kid entertainment needs. But that wasn't weird for me then that was just the way things were.
It wasn't until I went to college that I think I knew what total silence sounded like. I didn't have to worry about anyone but me. I could come and go as I pleased, wake up as late as I liked and just sit and read a book without having a tiny person want to sit on my lap or just otherwise be around me. After that, I really thought, I wouldn't have kid for a long long time. I figured once I was finished with college, law school, got a job for a few years, then actually had time to date, I would be well into my 30s before I had kids. And I was ok with that, the thought of not having kids never even entered my mind. I mean I know that there are people who don't have kids due to choice or other reasons, but there aren't any in my family. Even family members who have had difficulties conceiving, have used whatever methods at their disposal to have kids. A part of me wonders if it was just conditioning from the way that I grew up that sort of forced my maternal side to come out. You don't really have a choice when you're trying to get your 4yo sister to puke into a bucket and not all over you for the 3rd time.
My husband didn't think he would have kids of his own. He is older than I am and figured at his age he would most likely end up with a women around his age, possibly older, possibly divorced or with children and it wouldn't be easy to have his own kids. Then I showed up and there was a greater possibility of having kids. And I met him and thought, oh wow, maybe I won't be waiting another 10 years to have kids. It was almost like a forgone conclusion that we would have kids, he started talking about having kids before he even proposed! Yeah, I but the kibosh on that one. But we're here now, have the cutest little munchkin ever, except during the Adoption Hour, as Liam calls it. This is usually between 4 and 5am. We generally bring Z into our bed then because Liam and Z leave the house at 5:30. She is bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to go, like I usually am at maybe 6:30 and just wants to play. She won't stay in her crib to play, so we become her personal prison and jungle gym, complete with hair pulling, head butting, and trying to scale the headboard. It isn't always the most fun, but when you let of a scream of agony because a tiny little gremlin has just head butted your mouth and you open your eyes and see that little gremlin give you a big smile, you can't help but smile back.
CSA Week 2: Beet It
4 hours ago