Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A childhood filled with kids

I was reading Proto Attorney's To breed or not to breed and I couldn't help thinking about what my plans had been for having kids. I am the oldest of 5, 7 if you include my dad's two other kids and the oldest of like 20 grandchildren. I never really had the chance to decide if I did or didn't like kids because it just didn't seem like them not being around was a possibility. There were always children everywhere. I was the oldest therefore it was my job to help babysit (on my own!scary!) every once in a while. My mom worked nights, so it was my job to make sure everyone got into their pjs, got into bed, woke up in the morning, and left for school. There were even times I had to push one of my sisters in her stroller to my high school, while the other one complained because she had to walk, so I didn't miss a weekend play rehearsal. Bags were packed with snacks, toys, and other little kid entertainment needs. But that wasn't weird for me then that was just the way things were.

It wasn't until I went to college that I think I knew what total silence sounded like. I didn't have to worry about anyone but me. I could come and go as I pleased, wake up as late as I liked and just sit and read a book without having a tiny person want to sit on my lap or just otherwise be around me. After that, I really thought, I wouldn't have kid for a long long time. I figured once I was finished with college, law school, got a job for a few years, then actually had time to date, I would be well into my 30s before I had kids. And I was ok with that, the thought of not having kids never even entered my mind. I mean I know that there are people who don't have kids due to choice or other reasons, but there aren't any in my family. Even family members who have had difficulties conceiving, have used whatever methods at their disposal to have kids. A part of me wonders if it was just conditioning from the way that I grew up that sort of forced my maternal side to come out. You don't really have a choice when you're trying to get your 4yo sister to puke into a bucket and not all over you for the 3rd time.

My husband didn't think he would have kids of his own. He is older than I am and figured at his age he would most likely end up with a women around his age, possibly older, possibly divorced or with children and it wouldn't be easy to have his own kids. Then I showed up and there was a greater possibility of having kids. And I met him and thought, oh wow, maybe I won't be waiting another 10 years to have kids. It was almost like a forgone conclusion that we would have kids, he started talking about having kids before he even proposed! Yeah, I but the kibosh on that one. But we're here now, have the cutest little munchkin ever, except during the Adoption Hour, as Liam calls it. This is usually between 4 and 5am. We generally bring Z into our bed then because Liam and Z leave the house at 5:30. She is bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to go, like I usually am at maybe 6:30 and just wants to play. She won't stay in her crib to play, so we become her personal prison and jungle gym, complete with hair pulling, head butting, and trying to scale the headboard. It isn't always the most fun, but when you let of a scream of agony because a tiny little gremlin has just head butted your mouth and you open your eyes and see that little gremlin give you a big smile, you can't help but smile back.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Child Birth Pain All In Your Mind?

Oh hell no! Now that I have actually had a child I feel that I'm not totally talking out of my ass on this one. I was reading this article here, about child birth and the notion that it is all on our minds because of the way tv and movies portray it. I wonder if they ever thought to stop and ask whether or not movies portray child birth as bring crazy painful because it is crazy painful! I was only in labor for 12 hours and had an epidural for about 7 of that, so even I can't really speak to the people who have done "natural" childbirth.

I say more power to those people, and if you did it on purpose you have massive steel balls. My mom and grandmother, both nurses (NICU and maternity) didn't even bat an eyelash at me wanting an epidural. My great grandmother was a mid-wife, having mom and grandmom as nurses, I think they would have stared at me like I had two heads if I said I wanted to do it without an epidural. My mom has had 5 kids, 2 without epis and 3 with and she was so happy when she was finally able to get one and obviously didn't feel it compromised her birthing experience, which I have had the displeasure of hearing in detail.

After spending about 4 hours, laying on my side, shakes wracking my entire body and doing my relaxing breathing, it know I would have made it through, but I certainly wouldn't have been able to have a nap when the contractions got really bad. I wouldn't have been able to hold my daughter and feed her right after because I was already passing out from exhaustion just a few hours in. Child birth is painful, this isn't a construction that our post-modern world has created to force women to not enjoy the pleasant, smell the roses, this is fun, ride that is child birth. You wander into a hut somewhere where a woman is having a baby and I don't think she'll be knitting a baby blanket for her baby as she very nicely pushes.

So whatever you choose, don't try and make it seem like the other side just doesn't understand how they are missing out on something. Maybe some moms don't want a 3 hour nap while they are in labor and maybe I don't want to hear about how euphoric your non-medicated child birth was. We'll all just have to agree to disagree. Rant over!

Monday, July 18, 2011

And I'm Back

Wrapping things up took a bit longer than I thought. The last week of work was crazy including a few dinners that went well past midnight and I was freaking leaving early! They certainly know how to rip it up. We had our little going away party for me, the sweet treats were quite yummy. The office was really good to me. As much as I hated being away from the family, working at the Firm was really good for me. I was so nervous last summer that I feel like I didn't make the best impression. This time around I was more comfortable, had tasks that were my own and worked on things where people actually seemed to need my help. The recommendation I got was also killer. It will come in handy when I'm having my meetings later this summer. Locking this down now is something that would make 3L a lot more bearable.

After leaving work, it was back to the apartment building of puke (oh weekend fun), broken beer bottles, and general rundown-ness. Moving out took a bit of eye lash batting at the on duty supervisor to give me my deposit back out of his own pocket because the safe was closed on the weekend. So I gave him the receipt and we checked out my place to make sure I hadn't smeared poo on the walls or something and was on my merry way. Just walking back into that airport started to make the bile in my stomach churn. At least it wasn't like my last trip there. It was a completely uncomplicated, easy trip. Hung out in the lounge (thank you frequent flier card), ate some food, got on the long flight back home.

I was out of the airport and into a cab in record time. It was like the travel gods knew that I really needed to get home. My bags were in a cab and I was on my way in less than 30 min! I got in and apparently Zig was having a fussy night, so Liam was just putting her to sleep on the recliner. I have to admit, it might make me a bad mom, but I totally picked her up, started squeezing her and kissing her, definitely waking her up, but I couldn't resist. At first she looked at my like I was a crazy person, until a big smile was plastered on her face. Can't say I wasn't at least a little worried at being recognized.

Now a routine has sort of started. She's still in daycare, until our month runs out this week. Then she'll stay in 3 days/wk. I still have a class to finish/final to take and I would like to get a little work done on some research projects before I get slammed in the fall. She's got her little daycare friends and I almost feel guilty taking her out for 2 days a week. I mean she is literally trying to jump out of her car seat and onto the play mats with all of her little buddies. She is one of the more mobile ones, so she uses her mad skillz to go get toys for all of the other kids. Such a little sweetie!

While she is at school, I will be working around the house on academic and non-academic endeavors. Laundry, straightening stuff up, dishes, cooking, maybe even a little working out will be in order. And I'll also be taking every opportunity I can to relax. I got my classes for the fall. Thanks to my amazing planning, I only have class for 1 day a week. It will be brutal from 9am-10pm. What adds to that brutality is that I will be driving to school every week. It is the only plan that makes sense. Because I have to be there so early and leave so late trains are almost totally out, unless I wanted to miss the last 15 min of class every week. Buses are also out because of my schedule. This means driving. It will be at least 3 hours each way...not accounting for traffic. I'm hoping that since I'll be coming and going so early/late that it won't be too bad. So I'll be leaving Monday mornings at 5amish and returning home at about 1am. 20 hours of awake time, damn I wish coffee did anything to keep me awake. And I also wish my school books were audio books and maybe I could make a real dent in my studies.

So I'm looking forward to a few weeks where a few days a week I can chill/nap/read at my leisure during the day because this fall is going to be a KILLER!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Developmental Update

I have been seriously remiss in updating about Z in a more specific manner. She has gone from finally learning to roll over from her back to her belly about 2 weeks ago, to crawling 1.5 weeks ago to being able to pull herself up on unsteady surfaces today! She could pull herself up for a while, especially on the coffee table, which she loved to gnaw on on the way up to the standing position. We are really amazed at how quickly she is figuring things out. It is amazing to see her bouncing on all fours on minute and then all of the sudden she is crawling. We just looked at each other when that happened like, "did she just learn to crawl right then?"

I predict walking by the end of the summer. I crawled by the time I was 9 months, so it wouldn't be completely crazy. She cruises along the furniture super quickly and has an amazing fascination with wires and cords. She even knows if they are trick wires we have left around for her to play with or connected to something vital. She doesn't want the dummy wires, she wants the real deal. I am so relieve that Liam mounted the TV to the wall months ago. That huge thing sitting on a tv stand would have meant disaster.

With all of that development there has still been no movement on the tooth front. Liam swears that she is growing them from the back to the front. She gnaws on everything and even tries to bite on Liam's does. EWWWW. She's battling a seriously runny nose right now and maybe that is linked to the teeth, who knows, but I can't wait to see them in person next week. We're so close now!!!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I want to bake.

I miss having a kitchen and making my own food. I already have menus planned out for all of the cooking and baking I will be doing. I am so looking forward to actually feeling like I live somewhere for a while, not like I'm some transient squatting in a room hoping that the real owner doesn't come back before I have to leave.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Some things are just different

This is the first time I have been away for the 4th and not been around Americans or anyone that even cared it was the 4th of July, guess what it blows. I really like the holiday because it isn't about presents or anything ridiculous, except maybe driving to every local town and finding out where the fireworks are by spotting them through the trees.

Liam had a grand time with Z, he dresser her up, made brownies, etc. I think he likes the 4th more than some Americans just as a screw you to the Brits! Even though I am one of those too! Oh well, Z will certainly have a confusingly awesome time trying to tell people just how she identifies herself.

We'll just have to find out own way to celebrate something this summer, perhaps incorporating Liam's bday. I have totally dropped the ball on that one, I have no clue what to get him. It feels a bit crazy to buy anything since it's like he's buying his own present, I don't have the time or supplies to make anything in advance and it's too late to order something. I'll figure it out, but it is a little depressing.

Summer is winding down and there isn't much time left. I am trying to make it as productive as possible. I am turning in projects quickly, except for one that has been on my desk for a week because no one attached to it has been in the office. Glad to know vacations are not taboo at the firm, well at least in this office. I have also set up my meetings with managing directors at other offices where I want to work. Yay, networking. Two networking lunches this week and one for next week so far. This summer will be productive and helpful and I'll look back on it and forget how much it sucked to be away from the family.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Only 2 weeks to go

I am counting down the hours, only 336 more to go. I am taking advantage of the time off though, studying for my class, although it's really tough since my internet WILL NOT WORK!!! I can't listen to the classes, but I can at least finish the reading. It just really sucks that I can't totally veg out with good tv and things like that because the internet is really making me crazy. I don't know how anyone can function on 65k. It's like using dial up. Remember dial up, the thought of it makes me want to scream. I hope that it will all be worked out in the next 2 days, but if it isn't then I am going to have to wait until I get back to listen to all of my classes. To listen at work I would have to download a plug in and I don't really want to do that on the company machine.