Sunday, June 3, 2012

Funk

It seems that a case of the blahs are going around right now.  I am following the crowd with that one.  I'm not taking the bar until February.  I made that choice mid-semester thinking of my previous recovery after Z and how rough it was living on no sleep, pain, etc and decided that adding studying for the bar to that would only create a disaster.  Because of this delay in taking the bar, I'm not in full crisis and studying mode, which means I have a lot of time to freak out about the job situation.  It isn't dire...yet, but it could get there.  I only started contacting firms earlier this week and the ones I have contacted have been receptive to having me come in and talk with them, but there is nothing concrete yet.

As for the non-legal job, I have put out a boat load of applications and heard nothing so far.  I actually heard from a woman from HR who found my app in their database and wanted to contact me for an interview.  To say I was estatic is an understatement.  I emailed her back the next day to say great and then heard nothing...left her a voicemail...nothing...called her again yesterday 4 days after my voicemail and she said she would call me back in a few minutes...nothing.  WTF?! You contacted me! So I'm just chalking that one up to a crazy person from HR, who is obviously deranged.

While being at home with the girls is great and I'm sure I would be freaking out if I couldn't, it also kind of sucks not knowing the endgame.  I am just not SAHM material.  I wish I could be a SAHM who absolutely loves it.  I wish I could, but I know that for me to be the best mom I can be, I need to get out of the house, work in an outside job that engages and challenges me and where I can have conversations with adults on a daily basis.  Also, over here without work friends it's really hard to meet other people.  Perhaps if I were back in the US in a regular neighborhood and had a car wasn't so isolated my feelings about being home would be different.  And then there is the whole financial situation to think about.  We can live off of Liam's salary, even once my loans need to be repaid, but that means no savings, no health insurance, no college fund and no retirement fund contributions.  That's not a good place to be in, living paycheck to paycheck. And once our kids have to start school in 3.5 years, which has to be private as there are no other options, we would be in a precarious situation.  So I'll start working my stalker magic on every HR manager and other connection I have to make this job search work.  This is my new job, until I find a real job.

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